I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize