Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
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I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You pole danced in your parka.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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