That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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