id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Life is so much better after having sex.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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