HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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