apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
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My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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