I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize