How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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