a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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