first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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