Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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