I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize