the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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