she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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