They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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