I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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