is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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