3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just wanna soil my oats bro
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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