Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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