You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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