I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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