I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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