I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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