remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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