Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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