So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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