Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize