..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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