I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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