I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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