You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize