i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize