I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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