im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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