His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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