I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize