you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize