I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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