cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize