Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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