so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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