Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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