my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize