life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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