So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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