What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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