I could make wine with my vomit
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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