his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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