I just saw a hot homeless man
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize