i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
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I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize